I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
