Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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