I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
