Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
