so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
