I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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