is your mom at the bar?
I think I died a long time ago.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
