Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
