No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
