I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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