The maid of honor just puked.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
