he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
