I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
