I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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