Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
