Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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