She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
