if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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