I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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