My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
