OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cannot find my penis.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
