as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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