no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
