I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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