Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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