last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
