i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
