i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
