Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
