Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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