We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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