i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
