just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
