I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
