textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
