Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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