Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
