ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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