If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
