So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
