i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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