Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
