If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
