dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
