how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
