so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
