WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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