Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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