The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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