Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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