good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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