just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found a bag of teeth...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize