Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
