am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
