she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
