3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize