If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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