alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
