just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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