umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
