he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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