Yo dont text me then not text me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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