I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
