I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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