I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
