I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
