i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
