Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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