tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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