What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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