Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How does one acquire holy water?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
