I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
